Now that I am seven years removed from my military separation date…
I can easily navigate the ways of civilian life. As I walk down the hall of my children’s school or through the grocery store checkout line, I look like any other busy Mama of four little ones. However, my military service remains a core fiber of my being and my life is forever shaped by my military experience.
As Veteran’s Day approaches, I felt called to reflect on the experiences of being a woman veteran. Here are 8 things that you may not know about woman veterans.
1. It’s ok to ask us about our military service!
Sometimes our civilian friends and family aren’t sure how to broach the subject of our military service. It’s ok to ask us about our military experiences, but let your veteran direct the conversation. She may have had a wonderful experience and be excited to share! However, some women veterans experienced trauma during service and talking about it causes pain. Let them decide how much they want to share.
2. Many women veterans served in combat.
Although women were not allowed to legally serve in a combat until 2013, women have served in combat support roles since before the Revolutionary War. Given the length and breadth of the Global War on Terror, the majority of today’s post-9/11 woman veterans have served in a combat zone, myself included. That does not mean we were all “shot at”, but we do know what it is like to be deployed in the defense of our country.
3. Our military service is often dismissed or discredited.
Many women veterans report that their military service is often questioned, dismissed or overlooked by peers and civilian friends. We are often asked to “prove” our service or others assume that our male partner is the veteran. This has happened so many times that I made a T-Shirt to help clarify the situation. You can grab yours at The Veteran Mom Shop!
4. It is hard to connect with other civilian mom friends.
Shared experiences are the foundation of any relationship, including developing new friendships with other Moms. Sometimes we find it difficult to relate to our Mom peers who may not have any experience with the military. Our parenting styles also tend to be more authoritative, which does not bode well with the gentle parenting preferences of fellow millennial moms.
5. We are more direct in our communication style.
The military trained us to be assertive leaders, direct communicators and decisive decision-makers. These character traits are celebrated in the military, but are viewed as “too much” in Mom circles. The gentle and sweet qualities of motherhood must be learned during post-service civilian life.
6. We are forced to choose between motherhood and military service.
The realities of living through extended deployments, moves every few years and 24/7 operations is extremely hard on the family. Many women veterans feel like they are forced to choose between having children or military service. We want to serve our family and our country, but many times these realms of our life are in opposition.
7. We have a deep sense of patriotism and pride in our country.
Just like our male peers, we were prepared to give our lives for our country if called upon. We share a deep sense of patriotism for our country and our military service branches. We are proud of our service and those that served alongside us.
8. Military service prepared us for motherhood.
In the Air Force, leaders would often say, “flexibility is the key to Air Power“. Flexibility is also key to not loosing your sanity when raising small humans. Our military lives were filled with interrupted sleep, 24/7 duty hours, irrational subordinates, unrealistic expectations, discipline and a sense of duty. These experiences prepared us well for midnight feedings, destructive toddlers and the sacrifices of motherhood.
Military service is a calling. So is motherhood.
Please visit our Resources page to find more helpful links and topics about veteran mom life.
